I grew up poor, I mean really poor! Many years of my childhood were spent without a Christmas tree or lights, or even presents. Quite often, and for many years after I became an adult, I would find myself on Christmas Eve, sharing Christmas dinner at the local Salvation Army drop in center with a multitude of strangers, many homeless men and women who had no place to go, or families just like my mother and I, broke, often hungry. There would be a filling meal, maybe not the Christmas dinner everyone thinks about - but it was filling and I was thankful for it. Sometimes, my mother and I would go down to St. Thomas of Canterbury (http://www.stcuptown.com) for our Christmas meal and there would be a couple of ladies standing at the door as you leave, handing out small wrapped packages containing scarves and hats, sometimes gloves. That was my Christmas present. And despite my mother’s personal demons in her life, suffering from mental health issues and alcoholism, it was on these holidays that I knew how depressed she felt and I clearly remember how she would cry late nights, and constantly pray for God to grant her just a little miracle, a little break in the day to day struggle of that life of poverty we lived, not for her sake, but for my sake.
I remember how thrilled I would be to get a new set of clothes or a new coat from the store, clothes that were not second hand or donated by the church. And on those times when we could afford to have a black and white television, during the holidays I would always watch ‘White Christmas’ with Danny Kaye and Bing Crosby and for a moment in time, be able to forget the way the world was and entering into a world that was make-believe. It took away some of the pain. I was grateful for the little things at Christmas, and I never thought of anything more than simple joys, like having a roof over my head, warmth and a hot meal in my stomach, even if it was a bowl of soup and a couple slices of bread. Even as I entered into adulthood, these were the things I was grateful for.
So much in the world has changed in the many decades I have been alive. When my children were little, I did my best to make sure that they would never have to go through any kind of Christmas like I had gone through - Their mother and I often went into debt so our babies would never want for anything. There was always a live tree in our living room, sparkling with lights that twinkled on and off, as well as lights in the window. And under that tree, there was always a mountain of gifts for my babies. Now they are grown and fine young adults making their way in this world. And I am older, a bit wiser I hope...
These days it is just me and my cats for the holidays. There will be no tree, no lights, no signs of Christmas anywhere in my house with the exception of a few well placed Christmas stockings, one for each of my kitties and each containing a few cat toys and treats. Yeah, I’m still poor monetary wise - Christmas presents will be a little late for some of my dear family and friends, but they will come. I’m asked why when I struggle to afford even basic things --- Well, because my children, although now adults, still mean the world to me and if I could see them every single day of the week I would hug them and shower them with love! As for some very special friends - They have given to me so very much and though they will argue with me that I need not give them anything, It is selfish I know, but giving them even a little something makes me feel good, makes me feel a little better and God knows, I need to feel a little better these days!
But Christmas isn’t really about giving and receiving presents, and Christmas trees with sparkling lights and turkey and ham in the oven. No, for me Christmas is a celebration of my Lord’s Day, a celebration of His Birth and of all the things which He did for us, His Children and it reminds me of just how Wealthy of a man I am. I have a roof over my head, warmth from the cold of the night, and there is food in my belly. It may not be a Christmas Feast, it may be like it was when I was a young boy, merely a bowl of some hearty soup and a few slices of bread, but it is what is needed and what God provides and I am always thankful for these which He provides. And yes, I will be sitting here alone come Christmas Eve, watching television - but I will not be truly alone, for there is God who will be here with me, and the thoughts of my children will be with me and the thoughts of all of my friends to keep be company - And of course, there are my little furry angels, my kitties....
Sometimes, we may see ourselves at the very bottom - but we’re not! We may see ourselves as poor, but we’re not. And we may see ourselves as being alone - but we’re not! To all of my friends and family - God bless and keep you! I love you all!
If you know of someone who might be needing to read this, please share - I will pray for all of you and as God to bring a bit of a miracle into your lives this Holiday.
Respectfully submitted
November 24, 2018
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